Love, Me

Aug. 5th, 2013 09:34 am
malgrin: (love letter)
Ways I am being loving toward myself today:

Brewing delicious (orange/peach) iced tea so I'll stay hydrated (no caffeine - no sugar)
Having a delicious fruit/protein smoothie which is nourishing and filling (but doesn't make me feel heavy)
malgrin: (Default)
I've been sick since Sunday. It started with a headache at 5 am. It stayed like that until Monday morning (in the wee hours) when my stomach started to feel bad. It turned into a full blown headache-with-stomach-ache-with-fever-with-chills-with-bodyaches-etc. sort of thing. Not my favorite, to be sure. I worked for one hour on Monday and then spent the rest of the day in bed having weird, fevered dreams. I worked for 7 hours yesterday and then crashed hard for four hours of sleep followed by 2 hours of "being in the living room and finding out that I can't eat yogurt yet," followed by about 8 and a half hours of sleep.

Today, I feel better. Not well, but better.

I still feel like there is something going on in my sinuses... and that part of what I've got going on is related more to that than to a stomach flu. My nose keeps bleeding. But then, I've had so much aspirin, that my blood is probably as thin as water. I'm dizzy. A lot.

When I eat, it makes my entire torso hurt. It isn't a feeling of nausea... it's a feeling of... whothehellknowswhat.

It sort of hurts when my heart beats... but what's a girl to do about that?

So, moan, moan, moan. Complain, complain, complain. In spite of all of the above, I turned out a record number of reports at work yesterday and today on my lunch break, I managed to shower, do dishes, do laundry and make the living room look more like a living room than a sick room (Pete was also home sick yesterday).

People keep telling me to "take care of myself" and I think I am... but it did turn my brain toward the concept of "self-nurturing." What qualifies?

I think that lately, my concept of self-nurturing is making myself a cup of tea in the morning or lighting a candle while I clean the kitchen. My brain wants to tell me that taking the day off on Monday was self-nurturing... but the truth is, I offered to work. I gave my co-worker my personal cell phone number and told him that I was going to rest while he gathered the info I needed and that he should call me when he had it together. The fact that he didn't call wasn't me nurturing myself... it was him, pitying me. Plus, is waiting until you're running a fever and are wracked by chills to "self-nurture" sort of missing the point?

This is self-nurturing, though. Writing this. Because I had 15 minutes to spare and I could have folded laundry. Instead, I made myself a fruit smoothie with ingredients that will hopefully soothe my over-worked kidneys and liver (and everything else).

I think of myself as strong, strong, strong all of the time. And then, when something like this illness hits, I almost find myself relishing the weakness. There is something out of balance about that. I'm probably not as strong as I think I am... and I probably need to change a few things around in my life to nurture an increase in strength - but I most certainly need to adjust my attitude - and possibly a few circumstances - so I don't need to be laid flat with fever in order to feel like I have an excuse to really rest.

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malgrin

January 2016

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