Feb. 5th, 2013

malgrin: (Wee Me)
I allowed myself not to think about any "offspring stuff" over the weekend. Saturday, Pete and I wandered around a bit in thrift stores (in preparation for FaerieCon West). Then, we went home and I sewed and sewed and sewed. Sunday was entirely devoted to Candlemas - which was lovely.

Yesterday, I was horribly tired because I stayed up far too late on Sunday - plus I had really been in "go-mode" all day that day. But - Monday was pretty good. I had work to do and made progress. I also got a lot of laundry done (very exciting, I'm sure).

On Sunday as I was rushing around to get things ready for Candlemas, I was becoming frustrated because of too much clutter, etc., in the house. Everything felt shabby and complicated to me. So, in an act of "reclaiming," I stripped the bed yesterday and washed the sheets and blanket and then put everything back together again. It hadn't been terribly long since I'd done so, but I've been a restless sleeper lately and it was all getting rather torn apart.

Writing about it now, it seems like a very mundane and ordinary thing to do... but in the moment, it was this huge symbolic act. Heh. Interesting how 24 hours can change the perspective. All the same, it is much neater now, and that is soothing to my emotional state - so I suppose that's what matters. I have many more small, mundane acts of reclaiming to perform. I have no doubt that each one of them will help me to feel better about life in general.

I also feel a need to gain more financial control in my world. Things aren't utterly OUT of control, but the situation with my daughter has caused me to re-evaluate many things. I'm feeling a sudden need to get some of my debt paid off more quickly. I don't have a lot of debt (other than my house), but I DO have a loan for some windows that were replaced. There is still quite a bit owing on that - and debts such as that mean that I have less funds available for other things. Plus, the faster it is paid off - the less interest I pay in the long run and so it just makes sense to get it handled. Once my current sewing projects are completed (one of which, I'm actually be paid a little bit for), I'm going to check into some sort of freelance work.

In thinking about all of this - it's pretty obvious that I'm "grasping for control" right now. I'm sure that's because I feel like I have so little control over other aspects of my life at the moment. However - neither cleaning the house nor paying off debt are unhealthy activities, so I'll let it be.

Last night, I tried to take it relatively easy on myself because I was very tired. I didn't sew - because sewing when I'm tired usually only results in mistakes being made. I worked on a different project instead. Upon completing it, I was folding up the table I was using (it's an over-sized sort of TV tray with a larger, heavier table top) and managed to collapse the thing right across the toes on my right foot. My large toenail took the brunt of the impact. It hit so hard and was so painful that I just sat in my chair and yelled for awhile. Both Karl and the cat were appropriately alarmed. I put ice on it shortly thereafter. With the ice on - it didn't hurt too bad, but it woke me up in the night several times. It's hurting today and I am still icing it. I'm not really sure what the mid-range impact on my life will be. I'm not even sure I can wear a shoe - and fortunately, I don't really have to wear shoes all that much. But, I do have to leave the house tonight and I'm trying to figure out if I'll wind up having to wear flip-flops - even though the weather is cold and rainy. All in all - it's a First World problem, but I really dislike being slowed down.

I don't think it's going to require medical attention. I hope not. I can bend my toes - although the big toe will not bend as far as the big toe on my other foot. I assume that is due to swelling. I'll just keep an eye on it over the next week or so and see what's what.

In the grand scheme - I can still be grateful because a banged-up toenail (coupled with otherwise good health), and a disorganized house (that I can afford the mortgage on) with a window loan (that I can afford the current payments on) aren't terrible problems. To maintain perspective, I'll work toward improving the things I'm able to improve - counting my blessings all the while.

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