Jan. 24th, 2013

Meh

Jan. 24th, 2013 11:25 am
malgrin: (sad cat)
I'm feeling overwhelmed today. I'm sure that hormones are to blame for the emotional aspect... everything else is just mundane stuff or "the chores of being alive." I'm just not handling it very well today.

My projects at work are sticky and hard to complete. As is often the case, this is primarily because I can't seem to get complete information no matter how I plead or cajole. For the most part, I'm used to it. But, I've been dealing with the same reports for weeks now and I still can't seem to make satisfactory headway because so-and-so didn't list the serial numbers on the data and so-and-so didn't take any photos of the test setup and so-and-so didn't give me a list of which tests were to be covered in the report. I feel like putting my head down on my desk and banging it there repeatedly.

On the personal front - I'm incredibly frustrated with my son. He needs to find a job. He needs to give his life some SHAPE. I know he is "trying"... but it is the same level of "trying" that one sees from a 7 year old told to go clean their room. Progress is almost impossible to detect. So - Mom has to be in the room supervising the entire time. He's 22 - nearly 23. I shouldn't have to be this "hands-on" with his life... but if I am not - then he just sits in his room all day. I give him chores. I send him links for jobs. I help him update his resume. I send him out with resumes to go job hunting. I feel like I'm in the position of having to micro-manage everything he does and I hate it. I'm exhausted. I honestly don't know what else to do. I don't like ultimatums and I don't want to throw him out (where would he go?). He's not a bad kid. He's not disrespectful. He's helpful when I ask him to be. It's just that he doesn't seem to have personal motivation of any sort (except revolving around his personal interests). I can't fabricate that for him. So - I push and push - hating it all the while, and fretting and worrying that he'll never get it together on his own.

Today - with the bio-chemical emotional cloud hanging over my head - I honestly just want to crawl in bed and cry out my frustration. Unfortunately - that won't accomplish anything except making my face puffy.

Soldiering on is my only real option. And.. whining about it in my journal (of course).

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malgrin

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